Sunday 2 August 2020

BOREDOM MOST FOUL.


The trouble with boredom is that it is accompanied by inertia and a disinclination to do anything to resolve it.  Boredom demands something happen but it also puts us in the frame of mind that we couldn’t be bothered.  The effort of making an effort is its greatest ally.

We all suffer from it at some time or another.  We can be bored when we are busy and also when we're idle because boredom is a state of mind.  If we become bored when we are busy it’s usually because we are sick of the monotony and repetition of a task.  Conversely when we are bored because we are idle it is because we need something to do that really interests us.  I have looked up the definition of “boredom” and it states that it’s “a lack of interest”.

Apart from humans some animals can also become bored but it is generally because they are contained in restricted environments.  House bound dogs need a walk to channel their energy and zoo animals need large habitats similar to their natural environments to fend off boredom.

This makes me wonder why humans, when they are unconstrained by external factors, become bored.  Is it something in their psychology that is a side effect of intellect?  Is boredom a motivating force?  If fear is the motivating force for survival, what it the point of boredom?  Is it also a survival mechanism of some kind?

Instead of getting too analytical about this let’s look at what happens in childhood when you tell an adult you are bored.  The result will be (and I know from experience): -

                You’ve got plenty of toys, how can you possibly be bored?

                Tidy your room and there’s plenty more I can give you to do when you’ve                          finished.

                Have you done your homework?

If, on the other hand, you sit quietly pondering the immensity of the universe, they get suspicious.  My mother couldn’t stand seeing her five year old idle before school and would say:-

“Plump the cushions” or, worse, “Get the dustpan and broom and clean out the ash from the fireplace.”

 Now cushion-plumping is not high on my list of priorities nor will it cause earth shattering repercussions if it is not done. The long term effect of being made to feel that idleness was not a virtue carried over into my adulthood and caused me to feel guilty whenever I felt like doing nothing.  I’m sure I’m not alone in this or in having parents who encouraged activity.  There’s a lot to be said for channeling a child into productive enterprise, however, a parent should also remember to balance this with letting a child have quiet time.

The ability to enjoy doing nothing is an underrated pleasure and should not be denigrated.  Boredom will always drive us on in the end but so many of us suffer guilt because we are found sitting, doing nothing and just enjoying being alive.

Sometimes don’t you just want to stay in bed a whole day without having the ‘flu and be brought food and drinks?  What a treat especially in winter.  When I’m home, however, I always feel that I must achieve something and I resent this.

In my house cobwebs trail delicately from corners, the surface of kitchen cupboards are a bit grimy when I look closely but I’m fortunate to be shortsighted, which saves me from being too critical of myself.  Dust calmly builds up on wooden surfaces and I don’t see it.  I ignore floors until even my myopic vision notices the dirt.

I attend to the basics of course, it’s just that I’m not a fanatical housekeeper.  Sometimes I would love to spend all day reading a book or writing but that little voice from long ago is ingrained into my subconscious.  What makes us need to do or achieve something to see ourselves as worthy?

If you are bored not a single activity is appealing unless it is new, exciting, expensive or adventurous.  Holiday brochures display people enjoying guilt-free idleness.  Is it the exotic surroundings that make it leisure as opposed to indolence?  Do you need to be far from your everyday place and chores to be able to enjoy doing nothing?  It’s not surprising that the words ‘idle’ and ‘idyllic’ have the same prefix.  Do you have to physically pay money to assuage your guilt for doing nothing?

People who retire from work and who have no hobby are often ill-prepared for a life of leisure.  Some return to part-time work or do volunteer work to stop falling into depressive boredom.  People who worked and also had hobbies fare better.  My own father just managed to complete a pet project in time before he passed away at 78 years of age.  I don’t believe he was bored a single day in his life.  My mother had the beginnings of dementia at the time and spent the next six years before she died, bored and depressed as she became unable to read, her greatest passion, or to even cook.

When I feel bored I try to think of the fact that I am healthy and able.   Boredom is a self-centred beast and doesn’t care about such mundaneness of course.  So I give myself a good kick in the rear and force myself to attend to a task I generally hate such as filing.  Why, after all, waste a good mood on filing or some other vile activity?  If I succeed in motivating myself, I feel quite saintly afterwards and have also managed to achieve something.

I suggest being productive in a menial way to overcome boredom.  Make the self-centered beast suffer.  Clean the oven; clear out your pantry of things that have passed their use-by date; dead head the flowers on the garden shrubbery.  Very soon boredom will shut up and skulk away to the dark and dingy cupboard where it belongs.

Some people go to extremes to alleviate boredom.  I believe adventure sports were designed for easily bored people.  If they can get over their inertia they can go bungee jumping, sky diving or scuba diving in caves.  Nothing puts the thrill back into life like the fear of losing it.

The late author Grahame Greene says in his autobiography that he twice played Russian roulette in his youth to assuage his boredom.  He survived this folly to go on and be an author.  It’s a bit extreme for my tastes.  I’d rather survive to be bored another day and face the challenge it provides.

These trying times of Covid-19 have brought boredom to the fore but no matter how much it affects us we all still want to survive and go on even if we remain bored out of our minds.  Eventually, of course, we’ll find something to do because boredom won’t tolerate our idleness for long.

The End.

Sunday 6 May 2018

GOD'S FIRST LIFE SATISFACTION SURVEY.


WELCOME to My first survey.  This has been made possible because you have finally invented the Internet.  I am terribly pleased about this because I can get some substantial feedback at last.  Also your population is at an all time high which, of course, adds to the amount of feedback, although I would warn you to start thinking about just how many of you can fit on your jewel of a planet and still manage to feed yourselves.

In order to ascertain your needs at this point in your evolution please take My "Life Satisfaction Survey".
I must first qualify that this survey is for people of all religions.  Whether you are Christian, Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist or whatever, there is only one God.  Call Me what you like, imagine Me as you will.  Whatever name you call Me, I am Me and I hear you.

It is also not necessary to believe in Me to take this survey.  Feel free to use it as a tool to understand your own most basic wants and needs as I will yours.

This first edition is in English however, you may answer in any language you choose where you are required to do more than circling your choice of answer.


I thoroughly endorse Google Translate if you do not understand the questions.  Of course if you do not understand English you will not be able to understand what I have just written and I can only hope some of you non-English speaking people are computer savvy enough to try it on this text.
You do not need to send it anywhere.  I am omnipresent and see all.  I'll be taking in your answers.  There are no repercussions.  This is for you as much as Me.
THE SURVEY.
                                        
1. Are you happy?                             Yes         No

    If not, why?  ---------------------------------------------------------


   ---------------------------------------------------------------------------
 

2. Are you satisfied with My choice of your ethnicity?                                           Yes         No


3. Ditto your gender?                         Yes         No


4. Have I made your life too hard?    Yes         No


5. Have I made your life too easy?    Yes         No


6. How happy are you with your appearance?


   Not..............................Very
    1..2...3..4..5..6..7..8..9..10

7. How happy are you with your earning ability?


    Not..............................Very
     1..2..3..4..5..6..7..8..9..10

8.  How happy are you with your level of intellect?


    Not..............................Very
      1..2..3..4..5..6..7..8..9..10

9.  How happy are you with your parents?


     Father 
     Not..............................Very        
       1..2..3..4..5..6..7..8..9..10

     Mother 
     Not..............................Very
     1..2..3..4..5..6..7..8..9..10

10. Have I created you with a pre-existing difficulty?

      e.g. disability, deformity, disease.              
                                                                Yes      No
   
     Describe: ......................................................

11. Were you born into difficult circumstances?

      e.g. time of war, pestilence, ethnic cleansing, tyranny,         famine. 
                                                                                                      Yes           No
     Describe:.......................................................

12. Do you believe in?


      Marriage                                 Yes     No


      Euthanasia                             Yes     No


      Abortion                                Yes     No


      Capital punishment               Yes     No


      Contraception                        Yes    No


      Prayer                                    Yes     No


13.  Have you broken any of the ten Commandments?

       Which ones or how many of them?

      ...............................................................................

          

14.  Do you think any of the ten Commandments are outmoded?

                                                     Yes     No

       If so, which ones, and explain your reasons for thinking so.

       ..............................................................................................

       ..............................................................................................

15.  Do you believe in Heaven?                 Yes     No


16.  Do you believe in Hell?                       Yes     No


17.  What is your preferred way to die?
        .........................................................................................

18.  What is your least preferred way to die?
        .........................................................................................

19.  Do you believe in reincarnation?                  Yes      No

20.  Do you believe that cats have nine lives?     Yes      No

21.  Do you believe in yourself?                           Yes     No


22.  Do you believe the Universe is infinite?        Yes     No


23.  Do you believe in the soul?                            Yes     No

 
         
  If so, do you think creatures apart from humans possess one?

                                                                               Yes     No

24.  Do you treat others as you would have them treat you?


                                                                                Yes     No

25.  Do you think it is possible to travel through time?

                                                                                Yes     No

26.  Do you think eternal life would be boring?     Yes    No


27.  Do you think I would allow Heaven to be boring and
       that it is your imaginations that are limited?
                                                                                 Yes    No

28.  Do you take a really good look at creation and realise
       that an intelligent force of some kind must be behind it?
                  
                                                                                 Yes    No

29.  Do you believe everything you were taught as a child?

                                                                                  Yes    No

30. Do you realise I gave you a brain with which to question
      life, the Universe and everything?
                                                                                  Yes      No

31. Do you believe that you should give too much power to
      governments and organisations that use computers to run
      their departments and thus by-pass any means of human
      interaction or complaint?
                                                                                  Yes     No
     (Give that last question some real thought.  It is eminently
      worthy of your consideration for your future.)
32. Do you think humans have reached their highest point of
      evolution?                                                        
                                                                                  Yes     No
33. Do you think humans will continue to evolve if they
      manipulate the DNA of future generations to meet certain 
      requirements?
                                                                                  Yes     No
34. Do you think future generations will live on other planets or
      satellites and the Earth just become a salad bowl for feeding
      them?
                                                                                  Yes     No
35. Do you think that would be acceptable?
                                                                                  Yes     No
36.  I don't.
          But it's up to you.
          Remember, your descendants have a right to their planet,
          just as a child has a right to know it's own birth mother
          and father. 
          Please keep that in mind.
Thank you for taking the time to fill in My survey.  I hope it has
been enlightening.









Monday 22 February 2016

A short story about how the world is almost brought to its knees by an unexplained noise.



The sound cleaved through the night so loudly it woke a suburban couple from their sleep.  Startled, both sat up, turned to each other in the darkness and waited but only a silvery, moonlit silence ensued.  Relieved they lay back down and snuggled close together to descend into sleep again.

Another howl split the night.

"What the hell?" the husband swore.

They lay waiting, hoping no more would come but a few minutes later it came again.

"Shit," he exclaimed, "that’s horrendous."

He threw off the covers, got up, went to the front door and opened it.  He waited for a few moments and then went out onto the porch.  Other lights came on in surrounding houses.  His wife, Annie came and stood beside him.

"Luke I hope we're not going to have to rescue it, whatever it is," she said, feeling cowardly.

"Let's just try and figure out where it's coming from," he said, peering into the darkness.

The howl sounded again and made them jump.

A man's voice came from the house next door.
 
"Ever hear anything like it?"

"Where the hell's it coming from?" asked someone from across the street.

"Go inside honey," Luke said to his wife, feeling a surge of masculine protection the city rarely afforded him.  She was happy to do as he asked as the men of the neighbourhood gathered in the centre of the road as if by pre-arranged signal, and then they waited.

It sounded again and each of them shuddered.

"Can anyone tell where it's coming from?" Luke asked.

No one answered.  Again they waited, determined that between them they could make out a direction.

"They're about three minutes apart," said Luke's next door neighbour, Allan.

Soon it came again.  They shivered as one and shook their heads in the glow of the street lamps.

"Damned if I can figure the direction," said one and they all muttered agreement.

Luke said, "We could do something about it if we knew where it was coming from."

The sound came again loud enough to make everyone gathered on the street feel as if the darkness might shatter into pieces.

"Jesus, let's ring the police or the council," said Allan.

"How about the RSPCA?" said the guy from across the road.

"How about the army?"  This suggestion made them all relax a bit and some even chuckled.

After discussing possible options they agreed to return to their homes and take a multi-pronged attack.  One would phone triple zero', another the council and another the RSPCA.

It fell to Luke to call the police on triple zero.

When he was put through and explained that there was an incredibly loud howl that was upsetting everyone in his neighbourhood the Officer on the desk didn't immediately reply.

"You there?" Luke asked.

The Officer responded.  "Where did you say you lived, which suburb?"

Luke told him and again silence followed only interrupted by the persistent howl.

"That's odd," remarked the Officer.  "How loud did you say?"

"Very," Luke replied testily.

"You're at least eight kilometres from the station.  We can hear it here too."

"I'm not surprised," said Luke, "it would carry a long way."

"No, I mean it's loud here, very loud."

"Oh, right, very funny.  Look, I'm not yanking your chain."

"No, no sir.  I know you're not.  We're hearing it here too and we can't tell what direction it's coming from."

"It can't be an animal then," said Luke.

"Sir, would you do me a favour," asked the Officer.

"Sure."

"Can you take your phone outside?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, step outside and tell me if you hear any other dogs howling, apart from the one that's so loud."

"Hang on.  There it goes again.  I'm outside."  He listened as the howl subsided.

"That is odd," he remarked to the Officer.  "There's no other barking or howling."

More silence followed on the other end of the line then, "Yes, same here.  Listen, thanks, we'll look into it.  Try and get some sleep."

"Thanks, but if it goes on, I doubt it."  He disconnected.

By this time the Officer had every other line on hold and called for reinforcements.

"Yes, yes, we know about it.  You're where?"

The calls were coming from all over the city and the suburbs, to every police station and also to the authorities in every country town.

Everywhere, due to lack of sleep, computers were booted and people went onto the Internet.  Messages began to flood inboxes, Facebook and Twitter.

Very soon, thanks to instant global communication, it became clear that the howl was not local, regional or even national.  It was global and had started everywhere at the same time.

It was ten a.m. in London when workers inside office buildings, outside and in the subway were startled to hear a very loud howl.  People inside buildings with double glazed windows heard it as if through thin glass.

Workers gradually left their positions and desks and travelers their modes of transport to go outside and listen.  Office workers peered from balconies as the howls continued.  At first many thought it was some kind of promotion but it went on so long authorities began receiving calls of complaint.  Callers were assured there was no promotion.

The howl itself was not just a simple baying sound like that of a wolf at the moon.  It managed to convey distress, loneliness, abandonment and even pain in one single, long, emanation.  Its effect was to set off prickles on the skin and make hairs rise on the backs of necks.  The normal reaction to such a sound was to help, but no one could.

At bases in the Antarctic, scientists thought that something catastrophic was happening to the ice beneath them.  They expected a great fissure to open beneath their huts.  Ice makes strange sounds as it moves and breaks.  Researchers decided that a great mass of air trapped within the solid ice had escaped, causing the dreadful noise.  But it came again and again and the ice remained intact.

All the while dogs and other animals paid no attention to it, only the human one.

Heads of state called one another, each having to stop as the wail made it difficult to hear.  The sound was simultaneous all over the world, however, that made it very strange.  As the President of Russia spoke with his American counterpart they became aware that each of them was hearing the howl at exactly the same time even though they were separated by thousands of kilometres.  While the satellite connection caused a slight delay when the howl was heard on it, it was still clear the two men were experiencing the sound at the same time.  Both correlated their timepieces and noted the time of the howl in their separate countries.

Other leaders did the same during their calls.  It was concluded that the only way this could be possible was if the sound came from within the earth.  Over the next few days authorities around the globe enlisted experts of all kinds to trace the source of the sound and scientists in various fields used their own initiative and began their own investigations.

Acoustic engineers, audio experts and every kind of technician set up equipment.  Governments enlisted geologists, geophysicists, oceanographers, physicists, climatologists, seismologists and numerous other experts.  NASA began its own inquiry.  Astronomers even joined the effort but it was known sound could not travel through space.

People all over the world began to believe aliens were sending the signal as a kind of weapon to drive humans mad.  Experts used the media to assure them of the following facts:
One: if aliens exist it is a ridiculous way to make contact and why would they want to drive the population of the planet mad rather than just terminate them.
Two: if aliens existed they would be technologically clever enough to use a variety of signals if they wished to communicate.  
Three: sound could not travel through space.

Some people decided the sun must be going to explode and the end was nigh.

Scientists using the media, who had never had such a field day on any news item ever before, stated categorically that the sun was always incredibly noisy, something akin to the sound of billions of megaton bombs going off at the same time, and we couldn't survive its sound if we were able to hear it but the sound could not travel through space.  No, the howl did not come from the sun which could give no auditory warning if it was going to explode.  Sound could not travel through a vacuum they reiterated over and over again.

In the meantime tests on the sound continued.  Every kind of acoustic, wavelength, frequency, resonance and even sonar measuring device was enlisted but after ten days of intensive investigation no one was able to ascertain what made the sound or to discover its point of origin. It defied scientific inquiry even though it was in the range of human hearing and therefore, should have been in the range of canine hearing but dogs stubbornly refused to react to it.

The reaction of people throughout the world would be the subject of study for decades to follow.

Predictably many turned to religion as they decided the sound was a portent of the end of the world.  Churches, temples and mosques filled to capacity.  The bible's chapter 'Revelations' was scoured for references to signs of the apocalypse however, the only reference in it to sound was the blast of angels' trumpets.  The howl was definitely not that although some argued that it could be.

Atheists and agnostics went to a church or chose spiritual groups so they might at least feel a sense of community in the time remaining to them.

Doctors and psychologists were deluged with patients and pharmacies ran out of sedatives and tranquillisers.  Hospital beds filled to capacity and, after two and a half weeks of the interminable howling, so did morgues.  Suicides reached forty times the normal rate and authorities in every country set up help lines, enlisted every welfare agency and the media to offer as much support as possible.

Unfortunately the helpers were stressed beyond endurance and having difficulty coping themselves.  Car accidents rose to extraordinary levels until authorities ordered everyone off the road unless driving was their job, they made essential deliveries or had an emergency they had to attend.  Only public transport, ambulances, police vehicles, garbage trucks and sanitary vehicles were allowed on the road.

Work place accidents rose especially on building sites, in factories and refineries.  States of Emergency were declared worldwide.  Crime went through the roof and curfews were imposed.  Aggressive behaviour caused bashings, muggings and road rage.  The latter was another reason private transport, except for essential purposes, was banned.

Many went anywhere there was noise in the hope of blunting the effect of the howl as it intruded into everyday sounds.  Some even held 'howl' parties but these wore thin very early on.

Walking along the pavements it could be seen that people had developed the hollow eyed look of sleeplessness and despair.  The stock market plummeted and trade was halted indefinitely.

The howl had engendered a feeling of total helplessness.  The human race had evolved as the only animal capable of initiating the means to solve problems.  For the first time in history it had reached an impasse.  Philosophers and thinkers noted the impact this had.

It was as if the universe had measured the progress of the human race and sent a test to take it to the next evolutionary level.  This may have been nonsense but, at the same time, those who weren't driven insane, learned to tolerate the sound and accept it as a fact of life.

Humans were thrown back to the state they had known in primitive times when the sun, moon and stars were objects of mystery and veneration.  Then the rhythms of nature and the planets were incomprehensible, as was how night followed day.  It had taken millennia for mankind to understand these things but now, with all the instruments of science at its disposal, ones it had invented, it couldn't detect or explain the source of a simple, repetitive sound.

Theorists had no explanation.  No one did.  All that could be done was to endure it and try to consider it to be a new rhythm nature had placed into the mix.  Those who could manage to do this would survive, the others would not.

Those who could tolerate the sound fought to help maintain the sanity of their partner who could not and keep them on a suicide watch.

Many feared going to work and leaving loved ones to their own devices.  Absenteeism added to the loss of productivity and was one of the reasons the world's economy went into meltdown.  After two and a half weeks, things were looking very grim.

Luke was one of many forced to work at home on his computer to keep watch over Annie who was heavily sedated and, he feared, suicidal.  She was a ghost of her former self and sat in his work room, hollow eyed as he worked on-line. The scene was repeated worldwide although the genders of those who coped and those who didn't varied.
On a Thursday three weeks into 'the howling' as it had come to be known, Luke was in the middle of composing a presentation when Annie suddenly spoke.

"Luke?"

"Mm, want a cup of tea darling?" he replied, distracted by his work.

"Luke," she said more sharply, forcing him to look at her.

He noticed that for the first time in two weeks her eyes had some life in them.

"What?" he asked.

"It's stopped."

For a moment he didn't know what she meant.

"What has?"

Her eyes widened in disbelief.

"It has, the howl."

He hadn't noticed but thought it was more likely that she had tuned it out as he had.  But he listened for a while just to make her realise he was taking her seriously.

That's when he heard it.  Nothing.

He stood up and went to the front door and, still hearing nothing, went outside, repeating his actions of the first night although it was now daytime.  Other neighbours began coming out of their homes.  All over the world everyone stopped what they were doing and listened.  It was probably the greatest few moments of peace the world had ever experienced.  Machines stopped, traffic stopped, the world stopped and held its collective breath.

After fourteen minutes and three howls down no one dared to celebrate.  Many were waiting for something to follow.  If it had been a portent of disaster what was to come?

Nothing did.  After the sun rose the next morning, after a good nights sleep was had all over the planet, relief began to seep into the consciousness.  Luke and Annie, who was still shaking off the effects of sedation, went out into the fresh morning air.  Luke stood behind her and put his arms around her.  They breathed deeply.

"If it happens again, you must learn to cope with it," he whispered in her ear.  "I couldn't bear to lose you."

"You were able to switch it off," she replied.  "I just didn't seem to be able to.  What do you think it was?"

He had wondered about that all the time since the howl began.  He couldn't even manage to guess but he did have a thought.

"Perhaps it was the accumulated pain of mankind and all living creatures that had built up over millennia being vented," he said.

"What an amazing thought," she murmured.  "It sounded like that didn't it?  Like pain, distress and sorrow, all combined."

"Yes," he replied.  "Perhaps the earth has a soul.  Perhaps it finally needed to weep before it could continue to collect our combined horrors and sorrows.  As if its heart was too full to go on without purging itself."

"I wonder if life will ever be the same?" said Annie.

The world's people had shared a common experience.  Uncertainty would forever replace the confidence it had taken the human race centuries to develop, convinced of its ability to control its environment and its destiny.  Now there existed a question mark, a problem without a solution.

It had left as quickly as it had arrived but its mark would leave its imprint on the human race forever, a reminder that mankind wasn't god after all, and that there remained the inexplicable.

THE END.

This story is the sole property of the author Kim Dessaix.
Requests for reprint should be addressed to kdessaix52@gmail.com