REALITY SHOWS: of artifice, botoxed babes and voices that could cut glass.

 

Illustration courtesy of Gary Brookins politicalcartoons.com

All right, I know there are people out there who like reality television shows.  Good luck to them for having something on their sets to watch when there isn't a good comedy or drama scheduled.  I'm not one of them but I'm still fascinated by their appeal.

I first heard of reality television or its precursor, the infomercial, just over twenty years ago when I was holidaying with my mother in Port Douglas in Queensland.  This was a rare treat as we had never had a mother/daughter holiday before.  I was still reasonably attractive at that time, even a little 'glam', and my appearance drew the attention of a married couple who were sitting around the hotel pool one day.  We exchanged greetings and started chatting.  It turned out that they had something to do with producing shows for television, I can't quite remember in what capacity, and asked me if I'd heard of infomercials.  I had not and they went on to explain that these were a long form of advertising in the form of entertainment.  They said a lot more than that and more succinctly but that's the gist of it.  They went on to say that they thought that I'd make a good presenter on such a show.

Well most people would have said something sensible in response to this that might have landed them a job.  Not me, no.  I remember thinking to myself 'how ghastly' about the notion of such a show and, although I don't remember my exact reply, I'm sure it wasn't as enthusiastic as it should have been and they did not follow up with an offer of employment.  If I'd had a brain in my head at the time, I should have gushed about the idea.  I had, after all, been a model for things such as hotel brochures, newspaper advertisements and the like when I lived in Hong Kong.  I'd also appeared in television advertisements  when I moved to Perth.  Deep down, however, I did not like the idea of advertising as entertainment but I confess to being disappointed at the couple ignoring my disinterest and not offering some work.

For some years after that I waited for infomercials to make their appearance on television.  It took a while and I can't remember now which Australian made version of such a show came first that would fit the infomercial category, but I think it would be The Block.  I have to confess to never having watched it, but because it promotes the use of hardware and like materials I figure that it rates as an infomercial.  Even if it doesn't mention a product's brand name, it undoubtedly encourages people to renovate, which in turn sends them to their local hardware store.

The type of shows that followed it were not in any way what could be described as infomercials and I haven't heard that word again since the nineties.  Survivor and Big Brother followed and they weren't trying to sell anything.  In my mind the only thing these shows helped to sell were advertising slots for the stations that showed them.  What they also accomplished was to help television stations comply with the percentage of Australian content they were obliged to broadcast.

I can understand if you criticize me for writing about shows I haven't actually watched but I have watched as much of them as I could stand in the beginning except for Big Brother.  The commercials for Big Brother alone were enough to turn my stomach.  I was simply appalled such dross could make it to our screens and some of it was morally questionable to even the most open minds.  I've watched commercials for the most recent Big Brother and it seems to have lost the seedier aspect of the show but I'm still not going to watch it.

Most shows of this type now fall under the heading of reality television.  Shows such as Masterchef, Dancing with the Stars, Big Brother and Survivor fall into this category along with The Bachelor, Australia's Got Talent and The Voice.  The Block and Better Homes and Gardens probably would be considered what the couple in Port Douglas had in mind when they were planning to make infomercials.  While they are not classed as reality television but as lifestyle programs, to my mind the difference between the two is semantic.  Here is the blurb on one website for Better Homes and Gardens:

"With a total audience reach of over six million, Better Homes and Gardens is the country’s original and most successful multi-platform brand, combining a TV show, power-house print magazine, thriving digital and social platforms and dedicated e-commerce vertical, bhgshop.com.au."

So this is a show that is both entertaining and designed to sell products while the talent, survival and peeping Tom style shows such as Big Brother and The Bachelor are there solely for entertainment.  Well, some people's entertainment.  Okay I'm being derisive again but I do know plenty of people love these shows.  My son, his wife and mother-in-law do, at least Survivor and Masterchef.  A friend of mine in Sydney, with whom I was staying for a week, also made me sit through days of Australian Idol when it first aired.  I did have the privilege of watching Guy Sebastian win it.  I didn't mind it too much as Sebastian has a stunning voice and I was plugging for him to win.  I think I even voted but that was the end of my Australian Idol watching days when I returned to the safety of my reality show free watching home.

If anyone thinks reality shows aren't scripted, think again.  In my taxi driving days a few years ago I drove a couple early in the morning to the airport.  They had to be on the Big Brother set down south and they worked on the sets as I recall.  At the time the shows were live at Dreamworld but before the people who actually appeared on the show arrived and it went public, the couple informed me that other people rehearsed the scripted scenes.  So much for the reality component of the show.

When I watch advertisements for The Bachelor, The Voice or even Beauty and the Geek what I mostly catch sight of is people on the show feigning extraordinary surprise with their mouths wide open and their hands up to their cheeks at the antics of fellow contestants on the show.  With The Voice it is even more ridiculous as highly paid celebrity judges jump from their seats, arms akimbo in admiration at a contestant's talent.  It is so obviously over the top and designed for the audience that it is an insult to the intelligence.  Added to this, while some contestants may have admirable voices, they all seem to choose songs that push their volume to the limit and make them sound like a cat mating.  What happened to a bit of mellow crooning?  Do they have to flex their vocal chords to breaking point to prove they've got what it takes?  It is these feigned emotional responses and formulaic method of presenting songs that puts me right off watching the shows even if I ever toyed briefly with the idea of doing so.

I have recently seen advertisements, way too often I might add, for the latest series of The Bachelor.  In one I saw the bachelor sucking on the lips of three different women who were vying for his affection and that was in the one advertisement.  It just seemed unhygienic and how can people on these shows actually show natural emotion after they're placed in the ideal position, the lighting set up and then the cameras start to roll?  It's so fake it's mind boggling but apparently I'm a cynic.  Or perhaps viewers get a laugh out of it.  I suppose that makes it entertainment.

On a final note, and this applies probably only to me, I have a problem with the 'strine (Australian vernacular for those who don't know the expression) accent of some of the people on these shows.  I am Australian and, I believe, no snob.  I just hate the accent and hadn't heard a strong one until I met my future husband, his family and friends.  I must have lived in a pretty isolated community.  His family and friends assumed I was snooty, which I wasn't, but my voice apparently cast me as such.  It's a common Australian attitude I've discovered that the more roundly spoken are considered snobs.  It's known as the tall poppy syndrome and I can tell you that it's enough to make you a snob because you are judged when you are not, in fact, judging.

I do believe, though, that I have become a voice snob.  Before the seventies the Australian accent wasn't really heard on our televisions.  Our newsreaders were roundly spoken and enunciated clearly.  Then along came Bob Hawke and the Labor government after decades of a Liberal and more elitist government.  Bob Hawke did many great things but his voice sounded like a saw hacking through metal.  Bob promoted and financially supported the Arts and Australian television and cinema.  Also great, but there was a catch.  It had to reflect real Australia.  Unfortunately and for a time, it only tended to reflect what was then termed the working classes and most of them spoke with the heavy 'strine accent.

The Australian film industry at last had some money to churn out films that they tried to sell internationally but they had little success at first because the Australian accent and colloquialisms were too strong for the international moviegoers to understand.  Besides the actors talked too fast.  How to fix this problem?  The film makers then reverted to making period films set when Australia was younger and spoke with a more British accent.  Such gems as Picnic at Hanging Rock and The Man From Snowy River were the product of this and our films began to sell overseas.

How do I know this?  I studied Australian Film and Television as part of my Media and Communication degree.  There was even a period called the Ocker Period in Australian films, ocker being another term for the Australian accent.  These were the films made with the Australian vernacular that flopped.

Okay, that was a long side track.  The point I was going to make before going on it was that I hear too much of this vernacular on our reality shows.  Pretty women with botoxed foreheads, plumped up lips, tattooed eyebrows and voices that could cut glass.  Yes, I know other Australians probably couldn't care less but it makes me wince.  Have you noticed how many well known Australian actors have become internationally famous?  Yes there's Russell Crowe, Nicole Kidman, Hugh Jackman and many others but when they appear in films in the USA or the UK they take on the accent of the country in which the film is set.  Only occasionally does our accent pop its head up and when it does, it can be quite appealing but not when everyone in the film has it.  Only Paul Hogan got away with it in Crocodile Dundee but that was because the whole film revolved around a very lovable Australian larrikin and his 'strine was part of the story.

Don't judge me too harshly.  I'm immensely proud of what Australia has achieved in its television and film industry.  I'm just terribly sad that it doesn't promote more rounded speech as much as it allows the heavier and less melodious accent run rampant.  I can live with both but I'm afraid Australian children only hear more articulate speech on shows that come from overseas and, frankly, I don't want them to sound American or copy variations of the British accent.  The Australian accent can be very pleasant when it's not over the top or the words all slur together when it's spoken too fast.

I doubt if I'll ever change my mind about reality television shows but enough people like them to keep the industry coming up with more and more of them.  It seems that, like Cricket, I just can't escape them.

END

 

 

 

 

THE INTERMINABLE HARD SELL VIDEO.

 

We've probably all clicked on a story on an internet news site that's classed as a 'Sponsored Ad' and, then, don't we regret it?

It usually starts with something like: Low cost pain relief the big pharmaceutical companies don't want you to know about', or, 'Anti-ageing formula with secret ingredient used by doctors to the stars'.  You know the type of thing, but woe betide you if you open the site because on it, always, is a video you have to watch.  It's not just any video, it's one that doesn't have a length bar at the bottom that shows how long it is and that's always a sign that you're in for the HARD SELL.

These videos always have one essential component; the person who makes them is a qualified medical doctor.  Not only that, they have appeared on various talk shows, their articles have been published on well known medical internet sites and they rave on and on about the fact at the beginning of their self-aggrandizing talk fests.

I once started to watch one of these.  It was by a 'cosmetic surgeon to the stars' whose cream, containing hyaluronic acid in his own special formula, marketed and sold only by his company, was the reason that his celebrity clients looked twenty years younger than the average woman or man without the benefit of surgery.  Yeah, right.  I only watched it almost to the end because I simply couldn't believe anyone could deliver so much bullshit before actually getting to the point of naming the product or expect someone to continue to watch the promotion all the way to the end.

Perhaps the idea of these videos is to somehow hypnotize viewers into a vegetative state where they are left so bereft of mental acuity that they buy the product at the end of the presentation.  I cannot otherwise believe that anyone with a modicum of intelligence would do so after being subjected to such a prolonged insult to their intelligence

One of these presentations that I didn't watch fully to the end concerned a doctor who was looking for a cure for dementia for his wife who, I might add, was at a very advanced stage of the disease.  They had tried everything when the doctor began his search for alternatives and, when he find the magic formula, it took only a couple of weeks for her to regain her faculties.  The odd thing was that it took him a couple of years to find the cure by which time she would have been dead or well beyond hope.  My recollection isn't exact but I do remember there were jarring inaccuracies in his spiel.  Of course he, the doctor, then went on to offer his cure on his own marketing platform, on his own site.

The other thing about these promotions is that they always seem to be made by doctors from the USA and their accents, frankly, drive me nuts.  Sorry, they just do and I think it's because the USA is the home of the hard sell.  In fact the only reason I recently watched a presentation to its end that I clicked on from an advertisement on a news site was because the doctor had an English accent.  I suspect, however, that it was a voice over because, when the doctor introduced himself in person on the video the sound was out of sync.  He also said his findings were shown on the Mayo clinic site (USA) and in some Phytology journal whose name I can't remember but that was also a US publication.

This particular doctor had patients who suffered pain from arthritis and he specifically brought one of his patients to our attention whose name is Frank.  We heard all about Frank who is a veteran with a high pain threshold.  We know this due to his suffering from numerous war related injuries.  Frank had tried every thing for the pain of his arthritis and we heard about every single one of them.  Some had even given him some mild relief but Frank was determined to find relief and happily stumbled upon the doctor who offered him his magic formula that eased his pain.

Firstly it was made abundantly clear that this relief came from a natural 'magic' golden herb found in India although we never actually hear the name of the herb.  We were informed that our doctor found out about it when visiting an Indian restaurant and began chatting to the Indian owner who informed him that practically no one in India suffered from joint pain thanks to this herb.  Meantime we are seeing people on the video picking a herb that looks like coriander.  The doctor then warns us that if we buy this herb, whatever it is, from sites like Amazon or places where it has been processed, we will not get the efficacy of his version of it that is organically produced and to which he has added other herbs and whatever to improve its performance.  If the Indian gentleman said that it worked fine on Indian people in India why add extras?  Well apparently Indian people use so many herbs in their cooking that this naturally adds to its efficacy.

Imagine, a whole nation that didn't need this doctor to improve their magic golden herb, as he refers to it.  Of course he has named his improved herbal product with a catchy name and sells it only on his site at the end of the video.  Naturally I stopped watching at that point but it did continue although I'm not sure for how long.  I only watched for twenty tortuous minutes out of sheer, perverse curiosity to discover how long the doctor possibly thought he could hold our attention.

I then had a thought.  Are people who make these promotions, which often are made using YouTube, making money from the number of people viewing the actual video as well as the time it takes them to watch it?  I frankly don't care enough to look into this to find out.  What is extraordinary is how many doctors use this method to promote their products.  Why, I ask, and again, why?  Are they counting on people's desperation or their stupidity?  Does hammering irrelevant details into viewer's heads before getting to the point make their spiel more credible?  I think not.  I think it must be an attempt to beat people insensible and into submission.

A few minutes into any of these presentations I am ready to find the particular doctor's email and write to them to tell them how much they have annoyed me and insulted my intelligence.  Added to which I would say that, even if the product does what they say it will do, I wouldn't buy it for just those reasons.  In fact that's not true, I might buy it if I thought it would work but, not for one moment do I believe any of them have actually come up with a product so good it would do as they say it would.  If it did, they wouldn't have to sell it so hard.

I am in my sixties now and have been subjected to advertising since I could think.  When I was in my early twenties my husband made a mute button for our television so I didn't have to listen to advertisements.  Happily remotes now all have mute buttons.  I have to say that, probably, only twice in my life has an advertisement inspired me to go out an buy a product and that was because the product was so new, innovative and interesting that I felt I had to try it.

I am not a follower and am not interested in what others consider to be prestige items.  I can see the point of advertising, in fact it keeps free to air television alive these days, but that doesn't mean I have to watch it.  I do, however, appreciate clever, innovative and entertaining advertisements but feel that the people that use the hard sell should either be jailed or put in mental institutions because they are public nuisances.  They should concentrate on trying to heal their patients and not try salesmanship as a quick fix to making them rich.

END