Using the word 'god' is problematic in a discussion regarding how the universe came into being. It is difficult, neigh, impossible to mention the term without associating it with religion; not just one, but any religion, past and present.
Atheists say that mankind created God no matter what religion we are talking about. In a sense that is correct, but it isn't necessarily fair. The god that I am going to propose in this blog, as potentially existing, is not defined by religion and must be divorced from it entirely. In fact, let's leave the word 'god' out of it and consider instead a self-aware cosmos. It is something that humankind has considered a possibility since it became self-aware enough to contemplate the nature of existence itself.
Each one of us possesses self-awareness that popped into existence, seemingly, from nowhere and yet atheists find the idea of another life after this one, ridiculous. Think about this: if an amino acid, the foundation of all life, was floating around the cosmos and had the ability to imagine becoming the life form that we are, would it not think the possibility as fantastical as we do the idea of an afterlife? Had we been able, we would never have conceived of this lifeform that we have become in the first place? This, basically, is what mystifies us. We've won the lottery once. What are the chances of it happening again?
It is possible that as our brains evolve, we may come to understand how our life and intellect came to be, but I believe we are so far from that happening that, in comparison to that level of awareness, we are as microbes floating about in a pool of sludge. Before that happens, we will upload our consciousness into an advanced computer to where there is little hope of it evolving further, once it is set into a computer chip. We will just be happy to have made our unevolved conscious, eternal; that is, until we begin to fester in our inability to change or move forward.
The thought of this made me contemplate something. For many years I have considered that the universe, at some level, is self-aware and intelligent. In fact, I'm certain of it. I came up with the notion myself without reading books on philosophy, however, I have recently been reading of the idea of a pan consciousness by some philosophers, which is basically along the same lines as my thoughts. I'm not surprised as it's a consideration many people who ponder the mystery of life would have come up with.
My other thought is that this cosmic intellect has reached into life forms that have developed adequate brains so that they share its self-awareness and can wonder at the nature of existence. Then I had a new consideration, and it arose from this: I am prone to terrible boredom; there are days I wish my brain could find an outlet that would satisfy itself enough to give me a break. In other words, I wish it would find somewhere else to go, just for a little while.
Infinite time is hard for us to even contemplate and yet we hope for eternal life, but how on earth would we cope with it? If the cosmos is self-aware and has always existed, how do you suppose it has coped? My simple-minded guess is that it evolves, changes, experiments and expands. Nothing eternal could remain in stasis. If I were this entity, I'd get mighty tired of my self-awareness so I might come up with a nifty idea: I'd subcontract it out; I'd give myself a break from myself by putting pieces of my self-awareness into myriad, unsuspecting life forms under my omniscience, without memory, temporarily, of my eternal nature. As such, I'd fill the cosmos with infinite pieces of my consciousness born into various states of being to learn, grow experience and die, without any idea of why they came to be.
Once dead, their consciousness would be reabsorbed into mine. Parts of my consciousness would, therefore, have had a holiday from the eternity of my existence; would have looked at everything with a new, blank memory slate and mind, and returned to me refreshed. In other words, I would reinvent myself over and over; wonder at the universe with my smaller, initially ignorant particularized selves, at the nature of existence, and try to make sense of it because, while my outsourced selves are terrified of death, I am terrified of an endless eternity.
By facing death in many, many short and unknowing lives, I am living on the edge. I am feeling. I am living through the beings I created. As each of these entities is separate and with an infinite number of possible existences and experiences, I can spend my eternity experimenting and experiencing new possibilities. They may be terrible or wonderful but an infinite, eternal, unchanging existence would be death, and I must be life.
Reaching the age of seventy and, having become a bit bogged down in my life, wondering what to do next when I've tried pretty much everything I've wanted to, is what set me to thinking about an intelligent, eternal cosmos. If I am bored, what would this entity do? Simplistic thinking on my behalf you may say but look at life and the universe. It is in a perpetual state of life and death of stars, planets, galaxies. On this planet the essence of life in nature is birth, life and death; of constant renewal. The universe is ceaselessly reinventing itself. There is no stasis.
We may not remember if we have lived before, thinking that before we were born we've been in a state of nothingness before for unimaginable billions of years, but I doubt that. In all that time? Really? I think we are part of a universal conscious and return there; not in a state of mind we can imagine, but in some state. The idea of being part of something I felt many decades ago when I had something of an epiphany. I was simply talking to someone I didn't know very well and, suddenly, felt how very odd it was that we were separate entities. It was as if I suddenly became aware that our separateness, as individuals, is unnatural. It was a one-off kind of mental insight that never left me. I don't get that feeling anymore, but I remember how it struck me at the time, out of the blue.
Some of my most profound thoughts came when I was twelve years of age and through my teen years. My mind went into overdrive at that stage, contemplating existence and all manner of things. I was also severely depressed at the time and going through puberty. Nonetheless, in retrospect, I admire my young self.
I had the benefit of a deep-thinking mother who would discuss with me the nature of existence. My father, a very intelligent man, had a different type of mind entirely and could never really follow our line of thought, or decided it was unnecessary. He was a devoutly religious man and really didn't feel the need to question the nature of existence. All the same I rather wish I had inherited my dad's excellent and much happier type of mind than my mother's more insightful, philosophical but also depressive mind. Depressive or not, having a mind to think, to wonder and to be overwhelmed by both the beauty and terror of existence, the many life forms we share this planet with, not to mention the others beyond is an extraordinary happenstance.
No wonder we don't want to lose it. Life is too extraordinary to believe that it appears like magic and then disappears again. It is a mystery and, like all good mysteries, you've got to wait to the end, of this life at least, to find out.
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