Showing posts with label Humour. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humour. Show all posts

Sunday 6 May 2018

GOD'S FIRST LIFE SATISFACTION SURVEY.


WELCOME to My first survey.  This has been made possible because you have finally invented the Internet.  I am terribly pleased about this because I can get some substantial feedback at last.  Also your population is at an all time high which, of course, adds to the amount of feedback, although I would warn you to start thinking about just how many of you can fit on your jewel of a planet and still manage to feed yourselves.

In order to ascertain your needs at this point in your evolution please take My "Life Satisfaction Survey".
I must first qualify that this survey is for people of all religions.  Whether you are Christian, Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist or whatever, there is only one God.  Call Me what you like, imagine Me as you will.  Whatever name you call Me, I am Me and I hear you.

It is also not necessary to believe in Me to take this survey.  Feel free to use it as a tool to understand your own most basic wants and needs as I will yours.

This first edition is in English however, you may answer in any language you choose where you are required to do more than circling your choice of answer.


I thoroughly endorse Google Translate if you do not understand the questions.  Of course if you do not understand English you will not be able to understand what I have just written and I can only hope some of you non-English speaking people are computer savvy enough to try it on this text.
You do not need to send it anywhere.  I am omnipresent and see all.  I'll be taking in your answers.  There are no repercussions.  This is for you as much as Me.
THE SURVEY.
                                        
1. Are you happy?                             Yes         No

    If not, why?  ---------------------------------------------------------


   ---------------------------------------------------------------------------
 

2. Are you satisfied with My choice of your ethnicity?                                           Yes         No


3. Ditto your gender?                         Yes         No


4. Have I made your life too hard?    Yes         No


5. Have I made your life too easy?    Yes         No


6. How happy are you with your appearance?


   Not..............................Very
    1..2...3..4..5..6..7..8..9..10

7. How happy are you with your earning ability?


    Not..............................Very
     1..2..3..4..5..6..7..8..9..10

8.  How happy are you with your level of intellect?


    Not..............................Very
      1..2..3..4..5..6..7..8..9..10

9.  How happy are you with your parents?


     Father 
     Not..............................Very        
       1..2..3..4..5..6..7..8..9..10

     Mother 
     Not..............................Very
     1..2..3..4..5..6..7..8..9..10

10. Have I created you with a pre-existing difficulty?

      e.g. disability, deformity, disease.              
                                                                Yes      No
   
     Describe: ......................................................

11. Were you born into difficult circumstances?

      e.g. time of war, pestilence, ethnic cleansing, tyranny,         famine. 
                                                                                                      Yes           No
     Describe:.......................................................

12. Do you believe in?


      Marriage                                 Yes     No


      Euthanasia                             Yes     No


      Abortion                                Yes     No


      Capital punishment               Yes     No


      Contraception                        Yes    No


      Prayer                                    Yes     No


13.  Have you broken any of the ten Commandments?

       Which ones or how many of them?

      ...............................................................................

          

14.  Do you think any of the ten Commandments are outmoded?

                                                     Yes     No

       If so, which ones, and explain your reasons for thinking so.

       ..............................................................................................

       ..............................................................................................

15.  Do you believe in Heaven?                 Yes     No


16.  Do you believe in Hell?                       Yes     No


17.  What is your preferred way to die?
        .........................................................................................

18.  What is your least preferred way to die?
        .........................................................................................

19.  Do you believe in reincarnation?                  Yes      No

20.  Do you believe that cats have nine lives?     Yes      No

21.  Do you believe in yourself?                           Yes     No


22.  Do you believe the Universe is infinite?        Yes     No


23.  Do you believe in the soul?                            Yes     No

 
         
  If so, do you think creatures apart from humans possess one?

                                                                               Yes     No

24.  Do you treat others as you would have them treat you?


                                                                                Yes     No

25.  Do you think it is possible to travel through time?

                                                                                Yes     No

26.  Do you think eternal life would be boring?     Yes    No


27.  Do you think I would allow Heaven to be boring and
       that it is your imaginations that are limited?
                                                                                 Yes    No

28.  Do you take a really good look at creation and realise
       that an intelligent force of some kind must be behind it?
                  
                                                                                 Yes    No

29.  Do you believe everything you were taught as a child?

                                                                                  Yes    No

30. Do you realise I gave you a brain with which to question
      life, the Universe and everything?
                                                                                  Yes      No

31. Do you believe that you should give too much power to
      governments and organisations that use computers to run
      their departments and thus by-pass any means of human
      interaction or complaint?
                                                                                  Yes     No
     (Give that last question some real thought.  It is eminently
      worthy of your consideration for your future.)
32. Do you think humans have reached their highest point of
      evolution?                                                        
                                                                                  Yes     No
33. Do you think humans will continue to evolve if they
      manipulate the DNA of future generations to meet certain 
      requirements?
                                                                                  Yes     No
34. Do you think future generations will live on other planets or
      satellites and the Earth just become a salad bowl for feeding
      them?
                                                                                  Yes     No
35. Do you think that would be acceptable?
                                                                                  Yes     No
36.  I don't.
          But it's up to you.
          Remember, your descendants have a right to their planet,
          just as a child has a right to know it's own birth mother
          and father. 
          Please keep that in mind.
Thank you for taking the time to fill in My survey.  I hope it has
been enlightening.









Wednesday 1 January 2014

A WORD FROM GOD AGAIN.

 Yes, it's Me again.

Having assimilated the results of My "Life Satisfaction Survey", I realize that many of you are confused about the Ten Commandments.

In My survey I asked you to tell Me which ones you think are outmoded.  Your answers suggest that you did not understand some of them or their relevance.  I will, therefore, try to explain the ones which confused you and their relevance to your present time.

Commandments One and Two caused the greatest confusion but Two basically follows on from One.

1. Thou shalt have no other gods before me.

2. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth.

Firstly the words 'other gods' are problematic.  These do not mean other deities.  No matter what you call Me, as I have stated before, I'm the one who is listening.  'Other gods' means those things to which you give the status of God instead of Me.

Commandment One means that I must take precedence over anything you choose to worship.   In Commandment Two, a 'graven image' is an idol; a material representation, or an actual object, which you worship, or give priority to, over Me.

Now it's not about jealousy.  It's about you having a brain.  By and large most of you put material things above Me.  They have become your gods.  Partly this is because you have invented these things and they are testament to your cleverness.  However, the danger is in falling in love with your own inventions.

You give them priority over spiritual matters as if they are the be all and end all of everything. You place earthly things above the spirit.  You do not realize that the reason you exist is to continue to evolve as a spirit above and beyond the corporal vessel in which you are making this part of your journey.  I find it hard to believe that most of you think that your life on Earth is it; that it is all there is.  Just look around you at Creation.  It is, just as you are, a work in progress.  There are also cycles to everything in nature.  Doesn't that tell you something?  There are no dead ends.

Perhaps the word 'spirit' has put you off seeking yours.  The concept of a spirit is nebulous, so it's not strange that a spirit is portrayed in the same way: as a vaporous wraith.  Consider the 'spiritual' world as that part of creation you don't have the ability to see as yet.  Your corporal world is just one part of the whole and, just as your eyes only see certain wavelengths, your mind is still not evolved enough to see or understand the other dimensions. Basically, you have blinkers on.

Only a rare few of you philosophize.  Philosophic people don't try come up with answers because they know they don't have the ability to comprehend the nature of existence, let alone the size of the physical universe.  All power to you scientists for trying though.  People who possess philosophical minds see their lives as a journey.  They do not worship so much as wonder, but that's a kind of worship I can appreciate.

However, If you worship your technological achievements above Me, let them take precedence over Me, put Me in the back of your mind or, worse still, think that your cleverness means that there is no Me, this is breaking the first two Commandments.

In breaking Commandments you are diminishing your potential.  That is what I deem Sin to be.  You won't reach Heaven because you won't be looking for it and will get lost.  No GPS will help you find your way in another dimension.  You'll probably, if you are lucky and not wandering around in limbo, be reincarnated in an increasingly techno-centric world.

A word about Heaven.  It is a ridiculous word.  It is a 'state of being' to which you graduate.  It is a state of enlightenment.  It isn't possible to explain enlightenment.  It has to be attained to be comprehended.  As to where Heaven is, it is merely an extension of your existence in a dimension you can't perceive in your present form.

Science is presently working on how to upload the conscious mind into a computer chip so humans won't die and will live forever.  I believe you call it SINGULARITY.  I hope you will be able to see, smell, touch, move, hear and love when this takes place.  In fact I hope this concept is so good, it completely resembles My creation: the human being.

In this new incarnation you may be disease, age and death proof but don't you think you might just get a teensy bit bored eventually?  I'll tell you right now and it's a big yes.  I'm going to be interested to observe and see if it is possible to go mad with boredom in your computer chip heaven and then, what you're going to be able to do about it.

I hope this goes some way to explaining why the Commandments exist. They are a guide to help you reach your potential rather than letting yourself diminish if you live just for the now and so cause your soul to erode.  Now 'soul', there's a lovely word.

END.