How To Have a Dinner Party

A Dinner Party Held Too Late

1. Invite People.

Four people for a dinner party means just you, your partner and another couple or two singles.  You do a lot of work to prepare the dinner and they may get ill, forget or come up with a last minute excuse such as 'a funeral interstate for which they must fly out'.

Six people is a good number.  Six people fit around a table well and if two decide to drop out, the others will probably turn up unless you have become suddenly infamous in the media and no one wants to know you.

It's very important to match people. You just know when they are too disparate to be able to converse for the evening if you know them well enough.  Disparate people mixing is for large, poolside barbeques where each guest can pick and choose other people or just hold their breath and hide underwater.

If you are new to dinner parties eight people is ambitious.  Your table must be comfortably able to accommodate them otherwise you'll have to resort to fork food and sit around the living room.  This isn't ideal for conversation and is difficult to manage drinks and plates.

Ten or more is not a sit down dinner party unless you are the Queen or have two tables and split the party and the guests.

2. Starting time.

It's so elegant to say for 8pm but make sure it's a Saturday night.  If it's a weeknight, the people who have jobs will be tired.  If it's Sunday they'll want to be up early on Monday morning.

I've had grown men fall asleep at the dinner table.  They remained upright but didn't contribute much to the conversation.

My husband and I had one couple over for dinner quite often.  The man would leave on the dot of 8.30pm.  His wife would stay and my husband would drive her home.  My husband ran off with her in the end, really.  I think it was a set up by her husband.  It turned out he had wanted a divorce for years but they had agreed to stay together until their son was old enough.  Don't fall for this one.  What comes together, leaves together.

3. Starters.

Just drinks and nibbles like nuts and chips.  They have come for dinner.  If you want to stuff them full of hors d'oeuvres hold a cocktail party starting at 5pm and ending at 7pm.  I live with a Polish man and the Poles will invite you for dinner and spend three hours filling you with soup, egg dishes, pierazki (pronounced: piroshki), and cold meats.  Some time later you are expected to consume a three course meal.  I'm not familiar with their culture so in this post, I'll stick to my Anglo Saxon upbringing.

4. Dinner starting time.

If your guests are asked to arrive around 7pm the entree should appear no later than 8pm then have a short break before the main.  Don't leave your guests waiting until 10pm to eat.

5.  Drinks.

Wine is for dinner, not beer.  Spirits and beer are pre-dinner drinks.  Beer is really too filling to go with food.  It's fine at a barbeque but not at a dinner party.  If one of your guests threatens to have a hissy fit because they are not offered beer at dinner, give it to them.  You're not a dictator after all.  Soft drinks, water or juice for teetotalers.

Guests often bring wine so ask if they want it opened and also tell them what you have.  Unless they are wine connoisseurs don't be too fussy.  Large wine glasses are for red wine, smaller ones for white.  There is no hard and fast rule as to what to serve with what.  Go with your feelings and offer everyone everything.

6. Entrees.

The French call the main course the Entree.  In the English speaking west it is instead the dish served before the main course.  It is optional of course.  Make it light like a soup or something tasty, small and savoury.

If you like bread rolls, have bread rolls, but they are really for barbeques and will spoil appetites that should be saved for your fabulous cooking.

7. Mains.

For you main whatever takes your fancy but check before your guests arrive for allergies and dislikes.

It is unwise to cook something you haven't cooked before.  Also pre-preparation and food such as a casserole is ideal.  Attempting to cook steak, fish or a roast, especially for more people than you are used to, is a recipe for disaster.  If you do, try serving everything at once while it's hot and you'll find out how hard that is.  Save that exercise for Christmas and see why women and men all over the world hate cooking turkeys and hams.

If it's a roast it's easy to undercook or overcook it.  How many times have I been to dinner parties where I have waited two extra hours to eat because the meat wasn't ready yet?  Plenty.  It sure ruins your appetite.

Steak?  Better make sure you have the best butcher on the planet or your guests may be chewing all evening and besides, how do you cook steak for six people perfectly and serve it on a plate without looking cooked yourself?  Do I really need to tell you?

You can serve vegetables, a salad or both?  Whatever you do to prepare beforehand allows you some time to relax and enjoy your own dinner party.

Don't go all out to impress, just make a darn good meal.  The company and atmosphere as well as the food and drinks are the ingredients for a successful dinner party.

8.Dessert.

Ice Cream is not a dessert on its own and cheddar cheese does not a cheese platter make.  You need at least three cheeses plus some crackers.  The French have cheese before dessert while the English have cheese after dessert.  Of course you don't need to have either or you can have both.

Dessert is where you can have fun.  The sweetness will also eat up some of the alcohol your guests have consumed.  It's always good to finish with coffee or tea as these just seem to round the dinner out.

The appearance of coffee and tea also indicates that the evening is winding up.  If you are all having a ball, move on to more coffee and tea.  If not, people will eventually yawn, look at their watches and find an excuse to go.

9. Do not wash up.

Stack dishes in the kitchen between courses.  Do not even rinse.  Your guests are not there to hear your labours.  Few houses now have separate dining rooms.  You can serve, you can clear but your role is as the host or hostess, not sweaty workhorse.  You are there to steer the conversation if it falters.  You can get your partner to refresh the drinks but you can't do everything.

When I first went to my future in-laws place for dinner, my fiancee's mother would get up from the table and wash the dishes leaving the men to talk as soon as dinner was finished.  Yes, it was casual but being well brought up I felt it necessary to help her in the kitchen while every fibre of my being rebelled.  It wasn't that the guys had anything interesting to talk about either.  They sure didn't.  It was just this relegation of one sex to the kitchen.  No wonder it took me four years to accept his proposal.

It's funny but rules of etiquette can split nations.  However my credo is simply to make everyone feel relaxed and not as if they have to jump up and help with the dishes.  The dishes will be there in the morning, I guarantee it.

10. Atmosphere.

I have lovely neighbours who occasionally have me over for dinner. Pre-dinner we have a drink in their living room.  Overhead is a round fluorescent light but I just want to get away from it and the glare it creates.

I prefer lamps and some candles if you like.  Candles tend to eat up the oxygen.  I once had to leave an Indian restaurant with fifty tables all lit by candles.  I could barely breathe.
Also don't overdo the fragrant ones.  What you might like may send a guest running and interfere with their taste buds.

11. Do not have a television or radio on before dinner, during dinner or even after dinner.

Nothing is as tacky as a television or radio on in the background during a dinner party.  That's all there is to it. Nein, nyet, non, no.  If someone is missing a vital sports game on the television, you've chosen the wrong night or the wrong friends.  That's right , be a snob.  This isn't a barbeque.  They've come for dinner not to watch a game and if they want to watch the game, they shouldn't have accepted your invitation.

If you have music make it slow, soft, background music or you'll upset someone's digestion.  There's nothing worse than eating to a high tempo piece of music because it revs everyone up and loud music means everyone will have to shout to be heard.

Another good point is not to have a table where the shape makes those sitting next to one another the only ones who can talk to each other.  A table should allow everyone to talk and listen to everyone else.  Long rectangular tables with more than eight people are not for dinner parties.  A round table or small rectangular or square are good.

12. Lingerers.

If a couple look set to stay for the duration there's nothing for it but to give them a large hint or, failing that, tell them politely that you are going to bed.  If that doesn't do it ask them to turn off the lights and lock the doors as they leave.  At Chinese weddings oranges are handed out to indicate it is time for guests to leave and leave they must.  Western society could do well to copy this sensible directive.

END.